Who controls themselves, can control
My greatest difficulty was learning to control myself when my son had nervous breakdowns; he went from “0-10” in a matter of seconds … and I would panic.
Sometimes I “exploded” with him, other times I tried several alternatives to make him come out of the stress. In both situations, I passed on to him insecurity and despair; the uncontrolled and mutual suffering was visible. People looked at us with “pain”.
Maybe you’re reading and saying, “My son doesn’t have nervous peaks …” But maybe he shouts, is aggressive, leaves you talking to yourself, ignores you, does blackmailing, assaults you, “swears” at you, goes out and doesn’t give you any satisfaction or takes any other action that makes you “ungrounded” and makes you come out of your normal state.
One question that I asked myself and that helps me till this day is: “What is the difference between us, if we are the same way?” A child and a woman together in the same sinking boat, if the two don’t know how to swim, who will save whom? Do you understand me?
I am the example, I am the mother, the adult, therefore I have to bring security and solution. That is why I worked in me:
- Firstly, I learned to handle the situation rationally, analyzing it, detecting why it happened, and when it did, how did I react;
- Secondly: I learned to control myself before the situation, saying to myself, “This problem doesn’t control me anymore!” Not feeling anything, but fighting by faith against it and changing my attitudes: While he screamed, I would stay quite and look firmly, speaking softly and with assurance; he was agitated, I would stop or sit down, showing tranquility and calmness.
When this happened to me, my son continued with the crisis, but it no longer shook me anymore; I had self-control and so I could, with calmness, control the situation, taking it in a different way and causing him to begin to change. Today, they no longer exist.
Dear Mom, everything comes from the inside out; when I change inside of me, learning to focus on the problem and not the people, my attitudes will also change.
Focus on your problem, work on yourself, and you will see that the transformation of your child will be just a result of your change.
In this faith!