Returning to the Past – 74th Part
I was still in that phase where everything was against me.
When that happens, our eyes focus only on the problems. I felt like all my strength was gone. I had already done everything in my power and seen no results.
I was silent. I didn’t seem like the same person. I was not active with the wives, as usual. Apparently, my life was on stand-by. The recordings for the Woman’s program had stopped, and in Spain I didn’t have the same responsibilities, which kept me very occupied in England. The problems were there, but because I was busy doing many things and got good feedback from my work I ended up getting distracted and drowned what was inside me. Suddenly, everything came to the surface to confront me.
I realized that this time of change and silence was necessary so that I would only pay attention to my faith. This is what drives us to listen to the voice of God, and in the midst of any problem, draws us closer to seek Him. And that’s when the Campaign of Israel began!
I attended a meeting that my husband did with the assistants, and I already carried all this questioning inside of me. In that meeting, God spoke to me what sacrifice was going to be and what I had to do.
I never imagined that what He showed me would be so hard to do. God told me I had to reveal something that I have kept inside me for a long time. I would have to tell people who had authority over me and expose what was hidden inside me.
I clung to a Word that I heard years ago in a meeting, and God reminded me of it at that moment and I understood it in a practical way:
Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16
All I wanted from God was to be healed of this spiritual sickness. I no longer wanted to serve my feelings, nor treat them as a human fault. I wanted to get rid of them completely, and the memory of this Bible passage fit like a glove. The interesting thing is that I don’t remember what was preached on that day, but the Holy Spirit reminded me of His Word. What a great Helper He is!!
Immediately, I decided in my heart that I would do whatever was necessary to be healed. On the great day of the Campaign, I laid my life before the men of God.
I wrote to my father, my mother and my husband. Every one who, at that time, was responsible for me, and I said everything that was not yet settled within me.
I explained everything, and how it hurt to do this! I just wanted to disappear. For me, it seemed better to die to have a definite result. But no, sacrifice does not make you run away. One must face and bear the consequences of any mistakes.
I didn’t commit any sin that hurt other people, such as stealing, killing, adultery, prostitution, or lying, but what I felt was, yes, an act as dirty as these.
Until then, I had postponed such an important decision in my life, thinking that life with God was only to pray, to make my vows, to give my offerings. The truth was that I had not yet figured out how to give my life.
But when I made that sacrifice, I gave up all that was in me. And then, I could see God accepting my life and the aroma of that perfect sacrifice.
My eyes fill with tears as I write this because the experience of obeying, which is to fix your eyes on the desire to keep God’s commandment, makes His Word really come alive on our lips.
After that, my life really changed. The Word of God began to revolutionize everything that was inside me!