Returning to the Past – 60th Part
My decision was not something apparent or temporary. It was something I had to achieve.
It did not matter how long it took, the goal was to find the fulfillment in my life.
And what fulfillment was this?
The Word of God had to exist in my life.
As I went to church to pray early in the morning, I had a strength within me that wasn’t mine, it was the faith I possessed. Things began to improve over time, but there was not a complete change, but I did not give up. On the contrary, I was attentive to the things that happened around me.
The people I had a chance to evangelize would come to me to talk about their problems. And I gladly gave them my all, and guided them. They saw something different in me. There was a clear change, but in my eyes it was not enough. What I really wanted was an answer. Improvements was not enough, because intelligent faith does not depend on emotions, but on answers.
I continued with my purpose without giving up until we received news that we were going to be transferred. We had to wait 3 months to move. I had never received the news of being transferred with so much time in advance.
At first I received the news with joy, but then the news starting becoming more of a reality. My time in Spain had brought no life, no response and that pain only increased while I waited to be transferred to another country.
I told the wife who was going to stay in my place, with all honesty, “Patricia, please take care of the wives, because I did not give what I needed to give.” She did not understand and said, “What do you mean, Ms. Viviane? How come? ”
In fact, she had heard wonderful messages and received care, but everything was done without life. I wanted to see change, transformation, and really win souls. Not just by bringing a person to the church, but see them have a serious commitment with God. I not only wanted to bring them to fear God, but I also wanted to see them multiply.
I was in pain, and when I held the last meeting with the wives, I cried when I told them I was leaving, and they did as well. I felt pain because I felt I was leaving a “debt” behind with no chance of doing my best to pay it off.
Deep down, we were all a family we got along really well and had fun together. That’s why Patricia could not understand beyond what her eyes saw, and thought everything was good. But I wanted a living faith, lives totally transformed. I did not want to simply do good to others, I wanted to see them have a close relationship with God, see results and consequently have disciples.
I was not looking to fill the church or for others to see my work. It was something between me and God. I wanted to bring an offering in my hands, and I wanted God to accept it. I wanted to serve Him. I wanted to please Him.