Returning to the Past – 57th Part
Faith always makes us overcome obstacles and only those who have a purpose in life can activate it.
Faith makes us feel like a giant. It makes us feel very good! But it is not enough just to give to others what you have… the most important is what happens inside you. And to my surprise, no matter how much I challenged myself I could not understand that there was so much more.
Faith makes us conquer, but more than that it discipline’s us. It requires us to be righteous with the things we already know. However, there are times when for one reason or another we think that our mistakes are tolerable. After all, no one is perfect, right?!
Yes, that is true. Nobody is perfect, but our imperfections are not there to be tolerated but to be resolved by getting rid of them!
And in my desire to want to serve God, I did not realize there was something wrong inside me because I kept on feeding the thought: “no one is perfect.” I had accepted that thought as an emotional way to deal with something I was well aware of, but did not want to give up. Deep down inside, this way of thinking did not provoke a change in my nature, which was harboring something wrong.
Emotional faith can even convince you that everything is all right, because you do things that challenge you, but your innermost need is not meet, you fail to see what is missing, you are not able to see your true need because you are looking at all your works, and this is exactly why many will head towards hell.
I was not at peace with my conscience. I had a temporary joy because of my works, which to me surprised me. But deep in my being, I was screaming for help, I did not know where it could come from.
I remember after the night vigils, I came home contemplating the heavens and crying.
I cried many nights for an answer and nothing happened.
I was acting in an emotional way. And the proof of that was that I was crying and I did not take any practical decision to resolve my situation. I only exposed to God my pain, but did nothing to make happen what I was looking for.
In one call I received from my sister, she told me I was selfish. And, since I no longer wanting to be that way, I began to want to change in every way I could find. I had just bought 3 rings; the price was quite expensive for me, but at that moment, I decided to give one to my sister. I asked her to choose the ring she wanted and she chose exactly the one I liked more. But my purpose was to stop being selfish, and so I sent it to her. I began to want to confront everything that was wrong with me.
In a Campaign of Israel, I decided to sacrifice and do something I had never done before. My goal in this campaign was to solve something I did not know how to resolve on my own. I took the envelope, crying, knowing that this time I would challenge myself in something that hurt me, because normally I gave what we had in the bank account, but it was not my all.
I took all my clothes, everything even my shirts, etc. I only kept my intimate clothes. And so one day before the campaign I was carrying many suitcases to the church to sell everything I had.
While packing, there were pieces of clothing that really hurt deeply to sell because I liked them very much, and I cried. I was ashamed before God, because I knew He was watching me, I asked for forgiveness for crying. I never would have thought that I was so attached to clothing.
I remember often during other campaigns, God told me to do this sacrifice, but I always said to myself that it would not be a sacrifice. But when I actually put it into practice, I saw that it was really a sacrifice.
In fact, it was just part of the sacrifice, something else was missing.
Stayed tuned, because there is still much more to tell.