Returning to the Past – 55th Part
After reading the book “Redeeming Love” my soul cried out in need to help those souls who were suffering out there.
I had to find a solution. I had no idea what could be done until the Holy Spirit inspired us to write a letter, since many times the right words don’t come when we are talking about a solution.
So there we were, Patricia and I at the first place where we would meet up with the prostitutes. When we arrived at the place with the church member and Patricia, they were all inside a hotel, surrounded by a fence. It was strange. I never imagined that a real house of prostitution existed.
I was expecting to meet these rude and poorly educated women, but if that was the price I had to pay for the sake of their souls then so be it. Even though it may have seemed strange for someone to care for them, I did not care about the consequences. Just knowing about the life they lived gave me strength and courage to learn how to speak to them in person.
Oddly enough the women we met and talk to were kind. Some of them opened up and vented, which only fueled my “cry” and passion for their souls even more.
They could not leave the hotel. We had to meet with them when they went to do their hair and nails. It was there that we had any chance of speaking to them. And after talking with some, we always presented them with letters to give to the others.
The letter contained relief for them. It was through this that we could understand their pain a little more.
We gave them the letters in which was written:
Why did all of this have to happen to me?
“My cry out”
Since I was a child the only thing I knew was rejection, disappointment, abandonment, hatred, etc. The only hope I had was the dream of one day being happy, meet my other half, to be loved and have all the attention that I always wanted.
I saw my dreams being crushed and I faced the harsh reality of life. I was wrong and no longer believe that love existed. Everyone around me was only living for the sake of their own interests. I Quickly learned the “game”: I could get everything I wanted, all I had to do was pretend.
But when I was alone, I couldn’t lie to myself. I cried for hours and over time I no longer had tears, they were dried up along with my empty soul. My character changed, I was no longer the sweet and nice person that I was before, and instead I became arrogant and bitter.
I tried to be happy, but I never gave in completely. I was always afraid of being used and tricked. Now I am like an auctioned object and the more money I have the more I want, I became a slave of this desire.
My revolt is that I’ve never been able to find the answers: Where is God? I have tried to find Him in religion and found only illusions and false hopes. Who can I believe? Can dreams really come true? Does happiness really exist? I just cannot understand how so many people talk so much about God: That He is good, He cares, etc. Why has He never helped me? Why did all of this happen to me? Oh, it’s my destiny!! No more trying to escape this damned life! ”
I was there when you gave your first breathe… I heard your crying, I saw your anguish. You did not see me, but I was close by. You tried to fill this sadness and this void with friends, parties, and by trying to hide your suffering. You feel alone, but I never left you. I saw how you changed inside after every disappointment, after part of your dreams were destroyed…
(But how? I was suffering and you did not take me out of this damned life!) SHHH! Wait, let me finish: I did not force you to do anything, nor did I take advantage of your weaknesses, I know that you no longer believe that there may be a different life for you, but only I can answer all your questions.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”
This could be your cry out!
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