Returning to the Past – 75th Part
A few days after having fulfilled my vow, Julio went to take the people’s requests to Israel, and from there he went to a meeting with the leaders in South Africa.
While waiting for his return, still in Spain, I received the news that we were going to work in Portugal.
When I found out, I cried a lot. I was ready to return to England and continue the work we started there, not for this new change! I couldn’t believe it. I confess that it hurt a lot. I had so many plans, so many things I wanted to accomplish there…
My agony was repeated. I had the same feeling of when I had to go back to do that treatment in Spain. I had not been able to do anything, I did not see the fruits of my work, nor did I have the time to invest in what I needed. And now, I was going to leave like this?
Deep down what I wanted was to have my offerings accepted by God and I knew that when that happened, the fruits would come with the souls won over for His Kingdom.
Although I spent four years in Spain, took care of some assistants and members of the Church, had several meetings with the wives there and in England, I felt as though I was not winning souls. You know that feeling of putting a lot into something and not see any results?! Yeah, that’s how I felt and that’s why it hurt so much.
My husband called me and noticed how I was, and he called my attention. He said, “Mimiu, stand still!” He preached to me and filled me with faith.
When I hung up the phone, I went straight to my room, got on my knees, and let it all out before God. I remember saying that it was so painful to feel like I wasn’t doing the work He entrusted to me. I told Him about how frustrated and useless I felt when I had to leave Spain for the first time. And now I felt the same way having to leave England. I cried a lot before God. Until I said, “I will obey You. I won’t look back, but I want You to know what is inside me, Father, all I want most is to know how to offer an acceptable offering to You. ”
After that prayer and surrendering everything before God, I decided to look forward, and not cry anymore. I started to pack my bags. Days later, Julio arrived and we both went to get the rest of our stuff, which had stayed in England (most of our things were there since we thought that after three months we would go back there).
Some people, close to us, felt very sad when they found out that we would have to leave to Portugal.
I remember two in particular. A co-worker who had just arrived in the country, knew no one, had difficulties with the language and hoped to find support in me. But when I left she felt abandoned.
There was also another wife, who had lived with me in London, she cried a lot.
I looked at them and told them with great peace: “Do not worry, God is with you!”
I was even surprised at my own reaction. There were no tears and no pain to see them like that. It seemed cold on my part, but it was not. In fact, that prayer I had done to God was truly a gift. That security, that peace I felt, and the way I was dealing with everything, was already the beginning of His response.
But it was not over yet … He continued to surprise me and sent me a sign…
In the next post, I will tell you more.