Going back to the Past – 15th Part
(Going back to the Past – 15th part)
And through my intimacy with God, I began discovering my rights. And that is when I began demanding an answer from God in that which I had a right to, promised through His Word.
I really wanted my father to teach Júlio. But my father had barely anytime with him, because Júlio would come home at dawn and leave in the morning. I didn’t accept this, deep inside of me, because I had my “eye” on the blessing that my father had to give us.
I began to pray to God: “Look God, pay attention. I live an hour away from the church. I am in my parent’s house, and if I am here then I want the blessing that my father has for Júlio. But in all circumstance, I am not receiving any blessing. My father does not teach Júlio! So, if it’s going to be like that, take us away from here. Since I am not worthy to receive this blessing, then I don’t accept living in their home just to enjoy the perks.”
And what perks did I have?
I had the benefit of having a house maid that did all the house-cleaning, because she worked for my mother. I had this perk because there was no imposition for me to clean the whole house, to iron clothes, because when I didn’t do it, she would. I didn’t have any expenses such as house bills.
“I don’t want this! I am not here searching for personal pleasures.” There was a beach very close to the house, but even then I did not put my fife on the sand, not once! Since the day that I was baptized with the Holy Spirit, I didn’t have a mind for personal desires. “The Lord knows! I want Your Blessing.”
“If we aren’t going to learn anything in my parent’s house then send me away from here, because then I know I’m going to live the life of sacrifice; I’m going to cook, clean, I am going to do everything, but I know that I’m going to win because I’m going to be in sacrifice.”
My parents never knew of my satisfaction; I never said anything. Everything that they knew was what was normally visible to them. It was something between God and I. Not even Júlio knew of my prayer and my outcry. It wasn’t a question of not being close to my parents, but it was about the blessing that I searched and fought for with “tooth and nail”.
This was my objective at the time. I cried for it. I even began to “envy” the wives that lived on top of the Million Dollar cinema. It was incredible because the area was full of rats. I didn’t even care about the humble place, I just wanted to be close to things that would teach me.
I cannot say that my parents didn’t teach me, but there lacked that moment where my father would teach Júlio what he needed to do, like a father would teach a son. If there was moment like that? Yes, there was, but during pastors’ meetings. But not when the two were together at home, and that is what I searched for incessantly.
My father as well, in his own time, had his mind on developing the Work of God. So much responsibility…
Since the day that I realized that I was a “person”, I have seen my father invest his time incessantly on the Work of God. Be it in church or the programs on the radio and TV; he was always tirelessly working in his writings.
It is wonderful that I accompanied this incessant process of his. His thoughts were and are the work of God. And I, as his daughter, did not only see the Work of God, but I saw my objective of receiving that blessing of Abraham. And the blessing was not in position but in “being” for God. Can you imagine how would it be if I didn’t see it in that way? I wanted guidance so that I could take the full advantage of the time to learn how “to be” and to practice what I leaned.
But it couldn’t just be on the outside! I could not limit my faith to just seeing my father be used powerfully by God to save souls. It had to reach me somehow. I didn’t want to serve God with only what I could dedicate my time to. I wanted something more than I could explain. Something that made me a fountain flowing with Living Water.
Júlio had always been a pastor, since the beginning of the Work, full of fear. His meetings always had and passed on spirit. But I wanted something more for him, and for me, for certain.
That prayer really worked. We stayed little time in California, and then we were sent to Texas.