Going back to the Past – 34th Part
There were so many things going on at the time, but in the end of it all, it was very good for my spiritual life. Nothing and no one could fill the void I had from missing my children, but it was in their absence that I was seeking God with great thirst.
It was a very good time. I always tried to be with people that could add on to my life. Usually women were lost in their affairs with issues that would supply my needs. I wanted to learn, I wanted to hear the voice of God. So I made some choices that would supply that need “screaming” inside of me. I tried to be close to Julio when he was with the Pastors, to hear things that built my Spiritual life. They always had inspirations from God, and always had spiritual matters to talk about. I loved being near them to learn, of course it was only when Julio was there.
And let me tell you: this fed my thirst to learn. On the other hand, the women only addressed issues that helped me a few times because you know how we women talk about various subjects, but in the end, when there is no pain or necessity, there is only superfluous talk.
My situations made me see how much I needed to have someone by my side that would act and live by faith. I sought help, or someone who inspired me and gave me courage.
I was the only female among the Pastors. I would stay there, even though I was not invited, only to listen and learn of spiritual things. I didn’t care what the other women thought of me because I would not stay with them. My time was an opportunity to bring to life what I sought incessantly and I had to recognize that before others and myself.
In the time of pain, we feel alone and in fact we are alone. However when we are not in pain, we do not watch and we are not in search of something greater. We miss our opportunities.
At the time I was going through my pain there was a great opportunity for someone to make history in my life, but unfortunately no one did. Every one was living their lives.
During that time, it was almost like I was watching a movie of my own life. And No matter how much pain I was going through I was still able to learn how a woman of God should act.
This is very important for you to remember because it will be part of my journey of faith in the future. And you will be able to understand the reason why I went through everything I went through.