Going back to the Past – 32th Part
The problem I was having with the situation of “my” children was in the first months of the first year I had them.
As I mentioned in a previous post, Luis had not started school yet only Vera.
As I was developing my faith during those extremely difficult moments, I began to put into action my faith. I began to live my faith and through it I was inspired to go to Vera’s school, so I can at least see her from afar.
I went to her school at recess, well disguised so that she couldn’t identify me because I was forbidden to have contact with them.
I wore a hat and sunglasses.
At recess, I was able to see the little black-haired girl among the other children.
I didn’t have any personal plans I only wanted to see her from afar.
When I saw Vera, my heart began to jump for joy. But she was so far away. So I asked God. “God, make Vera come over to this side, so I can see her face more clearly” And guess what happened? Vera came towards me.
My heart began to beat fast with fear: “Oh my God, she is coming towards me, what do I do!?!?”
Vera was in kindergarten at the time and as you know, there is a fence around the playground where the children play. She came up to the fence that separated us and said, “Hi!” and smiled. I had thought she knew who I was, so I started talking to her in tears: “Vera!” And when she saw it was I she opened her eyes wide and said, “Mom”
I believe a month had gone by since we last saw each other and at that moment, when she called me Mom, she put her hand in the fence to touch mine, and I also tried to touch her hands, but the fence was pretty thick. We were so happy to see each other, we both stood there in tears looking at each other.
And I said, “Daughter, please, don’t tell anyone you saw me! I was prohibited to see you “And then she said,” Mom they said you are not my mother, that you do not exist… ”
I could see the despair and agony in her eyes as she told me that.
Tears were rolling … until I had the idea to go in the gate to embrace her. Incredibly enough, the other children that were playing, most of them, came and surrounded us. We both stood there hugging each other, we didn’t want anyone else around because we knew how much we needed that moment.
I told the children to leave us alone, and we embraced and kissed. This was the other painful scene that I experienced. The moment when we tried to approach each other was like a scene from a movie.
I told Vera not to tell anyone that I had been there. The following week I went there again, but this time with a stuffed bunny. I said: “Vera, you’ll take this bunny and say it was a friend who gave it to you and nothing else.”
After that, my days were even better. Obviously God gave us that time together. I was not there out of disobedience but just to see her, and God gave me that opportunity.
Surely this scene marked my life. I desired to be with these two little children like no other would be able to replace … however beyond the pain of seeing them so little and going through such a complicated situation God knew everything.
What was supposed to be something bad, turned to be in something good because I didn’t have any personal interest, I was only interested in their souls. Looking only and focusing on saving their souls. But … everything had its process, which only later I began to understand better.
Don’t doubt, no matter how bad your pain is. Do not look at the circumstances because the circumstances make you out to be the victim, and no matter how much of a victim you are don’t look to that, it will not help you because that isn’t faith.
Faith is assurance and it was by faith that I had the opportunity to overcome difficult times.