Going back to the Past – 31th Part
I went through very difficult times with their situation.
I had never cried so much in my life for something that I needed. I didn’t have any problems with my husband or personal problems, but this problem was affecting me a lot.
We tried every possible way to legalize their stay with us and because they were not ours yet, I had to face horrible situations. There was one day that I had to take them to the person responsible for them and I witnessed a scene that never left my head…, two in fact!
The first scene was when I had to leave them in the house of the person responsible knowing that I wasn’t given any specific time as to when I would see them again.
While I was giving them with their suitcases, Luis and Vera had a “question mark” the look in their eyes, I had to reassure them and “pretend” that something good would happen. I made them focus on the fact that they would meet up with their other brother. Which was true, but that was not enough to reassure them. Luis was usually the one who would show his despair more than Vera.
Vera, on the other hand, was the oldest, and always tried to calm Luis as much as possible.
And here is the first horrible scene I witnessed:
When I got to the place where they were going to stay, as I was taking out the suitcases from the car, Luis began crying desperately.
I was very distressed because I couldn’t stay with them and when I saw him showing all that emotion in front of everyone the pain inside me became even more intense, it became unbearable. But still I had no right to show what I was feeling, just to keep them calm.
One or two people came to calm him down and took Luis but he fought really hard against them and with his arms stretched toward me he screamed “Moooommmyyy!!!!” He literally screamed for me, with his arms extended toward me and all I could do was let them take him away, I left crying uncontrollably.
Returning home, I cried a lot, without Julio or my parents around I went to my parents’ room and cried for hours. I cried without non stop. There was nothing that I could do to take that pain away. I cried so much to the point of not being able to breath.
I laid in my parents’ bed, in tears, I decided to call my father. I tried to catch my breath to be able to talk about the situation, but I couldn’t because of the agony that was inside me.
My father had to literally speak in a very serious tone, “Stop crying, Viviane. Speak!”
My father knew the situation was out of our control, but he calmed me down and told me to stop crying, I don’t exactly remember what else he said, but what struck me was when he told me to stop crying.
That was all I needed at that moment: The serious tone he used with authority, telling me to stop crying reminded of Jesus’ words when a widow was on her way to bury her only son and Jesus told the woman to stop crying even if everything going wrong in her life at that moment.
That was when I was able to catch my breath and even cried out to God for a solution.
I knew I was going to face very difficult times. I remember I started reading the Bible, the book of lamentations and also Jeremiah, because I wanted to find a way to console my anguish with the Word of God.
I remember at the time I was in the church in San Fernando Valley. I remembered the people and felt unworthy to be there because I had no strength to fight for them.
I felt bad for feeling my pain, knowing that I was called for the altar not to be served, but to serve.
I would call the Bishop’s wife to expose my pain and she helped me as she quietly listened to me vent.
I remember that during that time I felt that I was the person that was suffering the most in my church. No one was suffering more than me… that’s what I thought, In fact, I was under the full effect of my feelings.
With time, I was able to recover bit by bit, I strengthened myself in the Word of God that brought me refuge and I developed something that did not exist: Relief for my soul. Until that moment, I had never experienced pain like that. But because of this pain I was able to reach another level in my faith.