Going back to the Past – 22th Part – Insistence
The idea or the inspiration was in the air, but all the pastors were free to answer or not an inspired idea.
In the case of Julio, as I said in the previous diary, he was decided not to adopt. Two months after marriage, he had a vasectomy just to fully devote his life to God. He had given up his personal dream of having several children to have children of faith. His vision had not changed, because when you have an objective to serve God on the altar, it’s not linked to any personal desire but to serve, serve and serve God.
And you can understand that when you have a goal about something, you sacrifice for the sake of it without any resentment for what was left behind. That’s the living sacrifice. You renounce everything for the sake of the service to the Work of God every day of your life.
His goal gave him a conviction of what he wanted. It did not let him be taken by the ideas of others. He was steadfast, He was not weak. He had no doubt.
We already lived far from the church and having one more responsibility would not be feasible in the service of the Work.
So Julio was already decided not to adopt any children. He said: “Even if an angel came down from heaven and told me to adopt a child, I won’t adopt!”
And the thought that came to my childrish mind was….
“What do you mean? You will not submit to the idea of the Holy Spirit? How can you do that mimiu, you do not want to obey? How is that?”, “That’s not being humble!”, “Who serves, simply serves and obeys without resistance.”
All of my words were truly correct, but there was a little problem behind them, something very subtle that I did not see at that time. It was my insistence to convince him.
I insisted so much that I started imposing my faith on him, my spirit and not the Holy Spirit, I was anxious. I wanted everything to happen in the most natural way, that my words may convince him and he accepts them.
Do you know that our spirit speaks?
Yes. The thoughts that are running in our minds “talk” and pass the spirit (anxiety, worry, imposition etc.) which I was living.
Because of me talking so much, he said, “All right! I will obey. I will not resist. “
He actually accepted because of his objective to serve. And if he had to change his mind, he would subject in favor of serving not of his pleasure, but to honor God with his life.
In reality anxiety often convinces, but it does not bring peace at that moment. It brings “peace” to your intention because you have achieved what you’ve wanted so badly.
Then I announced to my parents that Julio would accept the proposal to adopt.
Among some photos that my mother had brought from the Children’s Home, popped-up a little girl who caught my attention. Her name was Vera.
The instance that I saw her picture there was a “click”. She was 4 years old at the time and had all the characteristics I was looking for in a daughter, someone that looked like her father: Black hair and thick eyebrows.
However, I learned that she had a little brother.
And just hearing that, I already had an affection for him as well.
And here goes again another job to convince Julio.
“But wasn’t it just one child?” Julio questioned.
“Yes, Julio! But she has a little brother. Julio, please. “
Again, with alot of insistence, I managed to convince Julio. And my father, who thinks only of souls, gave us all the support for us to adopt one more.
The entire “world” is worried about having two children instead of one. And I was sure that I would find a way to learn.
In other words I was sure because God always made me feel secure in the midst of challenges, but I still didn’t know how to depend on God, when I could not do things my way.
In the case of trusting that God would touch Julio about adopting, I insisted on doing what “I thought,” in my inner being, that God would not do.
But I was only interested in the challenge and overcoming it, I was sure I would learn how to take care of the two of them. And that reveals again my childish faith. I knew how to conquer but I didn’t know how to wait on God’s revelation to Julio.
At that time, I had not even noticed my mistake of convincing Julio. Further on you will understand where I’m going with this, the mistake I committed here.