Encounter with God
“Mrs. Viviane, I would like to know, how did you have your encounter with God?” – Suzana Vieira
Hello Cybernaut Suzana,
It is with much pleasure and satisfaction that I speak about my encounter with God.
At 15 years old, I moved to São Paulo, Brazil… I was living in New York and I was conceited. I am going to speak a little bit about my past, resuming my how my encounter was.
When I lived in New York, I would go to church every Wednesday and Sunday. But Fridays were the worst day of the week for me, why? Because I had Friday, Saturday, and Sunday where I wouldn’t see the boy that I liked, who was from school. This boy was one of the “populars” and I liked him dor three years, but I never tried to get close or clearly reveal my interest. I had a lot of passion for the guidance my parents provided me. I knew that if I disobeyed, I wouldn’t be happy. But my body did not stop “liking” that boy, even when I wasn’t doing anything in that respect.
I was the “good girl”. I didn’t have nay friends in school, I was part of the “out crowd” to not be alone. But, not even the out crowd accepted me, because I wasn’t part of this world but neither did I give my all to God. On the contrary, I loved and enjoyed that “platonic love”. I would look at him when he was distracted and when he wasn’t noticing. That was the frustrating life I would live in.
At home, I was a “little piece of heaven”. But at the same time I was hollow inside. I thought that it was because I had no friends or boyfriend. But this was not the case.
At church, I cried in all the Wednesday meetings and I would feel better, but my life didn’t change. I wouldn’t leave church decided to let go of all my “worldly” attractions. Quite the opposite, I liked those moments where I was able to look at the boy. I would dress to attract his attention. And my thoughts revolved around that passion. All the music, all the moments I had to myself, my prayers would always be about the boy. I would ask God, “Convert him.” It was everything I needed at that time.
I didn’t see my emptiness. I thought it was normal to feel like I was missing something, in my reality, I was missing that lack of boyfriend and friends.
When I moved to São Paulo (Brazil), I wasn’t close to that boy, who was, I came to realize, was a great thing! And it was a great opportunity. On the plane, I looked out the window, and I said my goodbyes, “Goodbye guy”
I was sad, but it was never revealed because I was, nonetheless, the “funny one” when I was near my family.
Everything was very hidden.
But something was still missing.
I was in São Paulo, at the church of Brás, and I started to really leave my will behind; however, my dreams followed me even to Brazil. Night dreams… I would always dream with that boy and seeing scenes that would not normally make part of my actual life. Until one day, I got tired of those dreams that I could not control.
I went to a service and I spoke, determined decidedly, with God, that I didn’t want this past anymore:
“I don’t want to even dream. Even if its a dream, I do not want it. I want the Lord.”
And I began to go to the service seeking and desiring to give myself more. And it was in that church in Brás that everything happened.
In a meeting, I saw everything that I was not seeing before, because I “wasn’t doing anything wrong”, but I would desire inappropriate things. I saw myself a sinner just as much as a prostitute. I saw how dirty I was. I was faaaar from being someone “good”. Apparently I didn’t have any problems, but when I had my encounter with God, I saw a well of dirtiness.
It was there that I poured myself out, I cried. I was upset, but in that same day, I saw the Love of God had for me. His Compassion. And from there, I began to give my everything. Until one day I was baptized with the Holy Spirit.