Returning to the Past – 65th Part
London is a place with a lot of movement. There are a lot of people in the streets; a lot of beautiful shops, there are a lot of amazing places.
This was the same inside of the Church, there was no way the wives could ever stay without having anything to do. There were free English classes opened up to the public in some rooms and a series of group to go to the hospitals, evangelizing, etc. It was an unforgettable place.
I lived in the Church. This was always a dream of mine. A dream that allowed me to have access to the altar and do my personal vows with God, and have the opportunity to serve in the house of God longer.
But in order to fulfill that dream, I had to make it happen.
I lived in Church and I had numerous things to do. I almost didn’t see the wives, they were always busy, both taking care of their home, and with the Church. We only met on Wednesday and Sunday in the Church service.
That bothered me, the fact that I was involved with a lot of things, and at the same time I could hardly spare time to be alone with God. Until one day, I got tired and I thought: “How long have I waited for one day to live in the house of God, and now, living here, I barely have time?” I set up a time to wake up everyday. I confess that the time that I chose was not easy at all. It was a sacrifice, because everyday we had a late TV program, in which my husband would do.
How many times did I wake up dying to go back to sleep! I lost count, but I remember that I wanted it so much, and my success depended on that moment. Then I remember, that one day in the elevator I did a quick prayer.
I looked in the elevator mirror, my eyes were closing, and said: “God, I don’t accept to be sleepy. I don’t accept presenting myself on your altar, with repetitive words that have no expression whatsoever, as I’m consumed by my sleep. I want to offer you my best. I don’t know what the Lord will do, but as soon as I arrive to the altar I will have to be awake.”
And so it was. I meditated and prayed on top of that altar. Oh, those moments were wonderful. They sustained me throughout my day, but I confess that after lunch I would fall asleep… I allowed myself to sleep, only when I couldn’t handle it anymore.
My day would flow very well. I felt fulfilled with my moment with God.
At that time, I had continued to participate in the program, “Women Things” with Fernando Bezerra. She was the presenter. The team of “Women things” was made of four women. We had a weekly meeting on the subject that we would address the day we recorded. We would discuss the subjects, and we would do research on the subject. The programs were very intelligent, and had a focus directed to women. We would talk about issues on a women’s everyday life, without involving religious subjects. This made us develop our reason even more. We literally left our daily lives to do something totally different.
I remember every dissatisfaction I had with my participation in the program, I would take to the altar, so that God would help me and create in me something that I would not be able to do myself.
Because of the women’s program, I was not able to invest time in learning the English, because I had to learn Portuguese without mixing it with Spanish.
It was a war. There was a war inside and out of me, in order to supply my role as an assistant and a pastor’s wife.
But everything was falling into place. I was gradually adapting my self better to England’s fast rhythm. And God’s work in me was reaching my life even more. The fact that I had lived through many difficulties was a great opportunity to push me into living a more intelligent faith, because I didn’t have any other option. Emotions will never help.
The fact that I placed my life on the altar, everyday, for Him to guide me, was the secret and a smart step I took in my life. Being on the altar, was to live to serve Him, regardless of my position. It was and it is my everything.